IMG_7780

Sitting
elbows weighing heavily on the wooden table
chin
bearing down in the palms of my hands
breathing
irregular
chest
held captive by
words, thoughts, images, sounds

Where
are the waves crashing against the ancient rock
the ocean, filled with memories of time
where
is the cello that moans with the wind
quenching my parched heart

I fill my ears with notes of Glass
the tapping of ivory keys
vibrate through my skin

my skin
my skin
that has been holding a million tears
holding, like some golden treasure
an illusion that I have created
a place that I run to when the world feels foreign

Glass fingers keep tapping
causing my heart to swell, expand, expose itself
music eclipses sorrow
holding and slowing time
I pause 
allowing my breath to penetrate
my heart to go quiet
allowing myself to feel the rhythm

One note
a continuance of notes
all are the blood that nourishes
my mind and heart
it can be heard everywhere
it can also be seen
as it touches  a leaf on a tree
or skips along the water’s surface
music
the motivation of life

september 12 2017

 

img_1504

 

 

They Are Dropping Like Flies

 

It would seem that one of the lessons of getting older is the normality that is developed in terms of our friends dying. Today I sat here and thought

‘their dropping life flies’.

Past the initial shock there is this thought, another one?  I worry, was there pain? Most of my friends have died off in a tapered style. The system slows down, the drugs put them in a state where  they can’t articulate their thoughts. If they can, we wonder are they actual thoughts or just muddled, free flowing  left over from actual conversations. Are they sentences cut short, incomplete thoughts, blips of the brain.

What I do know is that we are travellers. These bodies that hold us are containers and when that container wears out well PUFFFF we are released. I mean our true essence or if you like our spirit shoots out with great speed and the container is and looks empty. It was only when I first saw this first hand with my husband that I truly understood life and its cycle. Death may be the end of what we can understand but it is not the end of our existence.

So, how do we handle and interact with the friendships we have developed? I think acceptance of the final chapter and continued contact with our friends is a must. For heaven’s sake don’t leave them to end this time in a home or hospital on their own. Family is important, yes but its the family that we have adopted that really must help in the final weeks or months. Who have we confided in? Who have we had many dinners and laughs with? Those who have shared the similar passions.
Certainly I don’t speak for all but for me its about continuing the friendship if we can. Have all the final important conversations if time gives you the opportunity. Tell them how you have enjoyed them in your life. Help them remember crazy and wild times.
I would hope that when my time comes I will be content with my heart and mind. I will lie in my bed and feel the ocean’s breath on my face and listen to the rain dancing on the roof and Claire du lune  playing in the background. These are thoughts of our perceived perfect exit when in fact I will probably die in an accident heheh, there will be no time for reflection of music.

This morning has been a good reflecting morning. Later on I will call my friend again and tell her how much her friendship has effected me. I will speak to her every day till she can no longer take my calls. I am not sad for her final trip for she does not have to pack and remember anything. Can you imagine! To get prepared for a trip and not worry at all of tooth brush or passport or what clothes to bring.
Enjoy your life yes but enjoy your departure as well.