I had thought that coming to Newfoundland would somehow transform me. Like my right of passage. “You have grieved long enough now go forth and live, breath as others”
Does not work that way,,, apparently. I am speaking to B more now then ever.
Look Love, check this out!
Ahhh isn’t that wonderful?
I hear youuuuu.
Today I FINALLY STARTED A PAINTING~~~~~~~
Yes finally. The sweet guy at the hardware store only had a hand saw, Yes a friggin hand saw!!!!!!! so I asked ever so sweetly I will pay you more can you cut the 4×8 sheet into four pieces so I can at least fit it in my rental car?
So Sweet!!!!!! Not so very straight but what the hell I can cut it when I get home. Here in lies the dilemma? Do I paint two on each section? Well hell you would think so. But am I? no not at all I have 2 x 4 and I am using 2×4.
I miss talking about my excitement with him. I know al the stuff everyone says but I really don’t care!
It has only been two years and in so many ways the reality is sinking in now. So wait for it!! you think your doing fine your so used to working and living alone. NOpe it does not work that way. There is another blogger that really seemed to be dealing with things in such a mature manner. Man I was impressed and yet felt what is going to happen when they wake up and have this shock of being alone? I personally do not wish this on anyone. I understand from all the grieving sites and books that we all have to go through it completely before we are over it or at least to the point where we can comfortably put one foot in front of the other and hopefully there is a destination.
I want to move here! I want support and encouragement but I know it will not happen and thus the wind will be stolen from my sails and I will be back where I started.
I can’t argue with people. I rely on my gut instinct and my heart they say what will you do you know no one there.
There is a 3500sq ft church for sale for 55,000.00 asking. not far from the airport. It could be my place and an artist residency. I could advertise for artists to come stay a month at a time. all year long.
If I do this I can at least go to my ashes and afterlife knowing that I did something for me and because I wanted to. Is that so bad?
To conclude: Its hard making decisions just based on me. No children, no husband, just me. I’m going to be 60 next tuesday. How much more time do I have to do one thing I want?