WORDS

Words

words can open your heart
words, expose darkness within
words, blanket us with comfort
words, of commitment
words, of separation
words, of frozen fear

a single word
can encompass an entire decade
a single word
can change a person’s life
one word can give you reason to live
or permission to die
words are the greatest gift we have been given
words are worth more than gold
words can describe how gold looks and feels
how it can captivate your soul
how it represents eternal love
how it has the power to destroy
some words should come with a warning label
other words should never be spoken

imagine buying your food with a poem
going to the theatre to read words on the big screen
we could give words as birthday gifts
baptisms or weddings or funerals

take any word
now add some before and after
you now have a collection
with the right words
we might be able to stop fighting
with words of understanding and openness
we might enjoy each other a bit more

open yourself
expose your feelings
then let the words flow out of you
with song or rhyme
or just on the rocks
or a twist of lemon
or an olive
words are a beautiful thing
to be enjoyed
my word today is share
what is yours?

december 6 2017

 

 

 

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Trapped In The Hole Of A Doughnut

 

chair higher than it ought be
long, sand coloured counter pressed against the wall of glass
exposed bites, on the half, eaten old fashion doughnut
sitting next to the ceramic coffee cup

why am I here?
at this crowded doughnut shop in the city
cars zipping past on drive-thru exits
summers furniture sits on the outside patio
bolted to the pavers
snow caused by the cold
words of love once written
on wet snow
now frozen for who knows how long
christmas music calling angels
plays on the speaker
it’s not even december

how many are here
either before or after
visiting a loved one
in that home
yes that home
across the parking lot
across the double lane road
that three story red brick complex
called a ‘home’
funny and odd name for something its not
It would make more sense
to house our loved ones
next to the airports or train stations
giving them the illusion of travel
airports for the old and used
long halls lined with beds with curtains of privacy
side table with lamp and toiletries
once chair placed at an angle
marker boards with names scribbled
days attendants, nurse and doctor on call

when the bell rings all are woken
and one by one they walk or are pushed in wheelchairs
then lined up once more
with a great view of the wall of glass
here they can see hope and dream
watching the planes take off and the workers buzzing about like ants

or they could also be at a train station
listening to the whistle blow and the tracks vibrating the floors
they could imagine themselves sitting in one of those seats
let’s not forget the harbours and cruise ships
with the seagulls flying past the windows
and the smell of sea salt in the air
fish and chips would be on the menu there

why am I sitting here
looking across the way
at the three-story building
that was in part my home for three years
there are days when I miss the smiles
the conversations that inspired me to dream up a life
when speaking to a dementia resident
I became part of their lives and their past
why would I not
the days of walking through the doors of key codes
of seeing his face light up and hearing him call
I would give my life to have that back if only for one day
to be in his arms and feel him patting my head
she is so sad, is what he wrote when he still could
line drawing of my face on a canvas of golden sun

I am sitting here because I miss him

Strange Faces
Painting by Sculptor Bruce Garner 2009

The place took hold of me and I felt compelled to write.
No editing, or thought just pure stream of consciousness.

Cup of Coffee?

A cup of coffee?

 

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before my world wakes
I stand watching the espresso pot
waiting for that sound
compressed steam escaping
dark, magical aroma
to fill the room and waken my mind
the mornings’ first pot of coffee

‘Mama used to say that if you stand over a pot of water it will never come to boil. As a child, this intrigued me, and caused me to develop methods of watching a pot without really watching it.’

camouflaged with the doorway
only her eyes could be seen
eyes directly aimed at a pot
a pot of water on the stove
she waited for the sound
of bubbles rumbling and dancing

Doorways are not for standing in. It will never boil if you continue to stare at it. My mama was right, she knew what she was talking. Feeling exasperated I would slide down the wall and sit with my knees up to my chin.’

her young mind began to wander
watching an ant walk across the floor
following the fly as it swooped past her nose
curious eyes of a child are never bored
she begins to imagine a parade
ants marching one by one
ladybugs flying overhead
dragonflies with the banner up front
frogs hopping along with decorated hats
inch worms slowly tagging along side by side
tree frogs hitching a ride
on the backs of turtles
as they played the drums
diddy ummm drum-mm-rum

I told you, mama would say. The moment you take your eyes off the pot it begins to boil. No one likes to be stared at, even a pot of water. She was right, at this time. This memory has remained with me my entire life. Often it sits in the back of my mind till I put a pot of water on the stove or the espresso pot. Then I stand there with one hand on my hip and my shoulder leaning against the doorway. For those moments I am again that child waiting to catch that first bubble and always hearing my mother say, ‘It will never boil if you watch it’.

what would WE be
without our collections of memories
how would we experience the world
if we lost our inner child

as my body widens
as my hair greys
as my life continues to be written on my face
I see that child following me
reminding me of small miracles
like watching water boil
Coffee is ready!

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Sitting
elbows weighing heavily on the wooden table
chin
bearing down in the palms of my hands
breathing
irregular
chest
held captive by
words, thoughts, images, sounds

Where
are the waves crashing against the ancient rock
the ocean, filled with memories of time
where
is the cello that moans with the wind
quenching my parched heart

I fill my ears with notes of Glass
the tapping of ivory keys
vibrate through my skin

my skin
my skin
that has been holding a million tears
holding, like some golden treasure
an illusion that I have created
a place that I run to when the world feels foreign

Glass fingers keep tapping
causing my heart to swell, expand, expose itself
music eclipses sorrow
holding and slowing time
I pause 
allowing my breath to penetrate
my heart to go quiet
allowing myself to feel the rhythm

One note
a continuance of notes
all are the blood that nourishes
my mind and heart
it can be heard everywhere
it can also be seen
as it touches  a leaf on a tree
or skips along the water’s surface
music
the motivation of life

september 12 2017

 

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Saffron On The Line

Photo on 2017-08-01 at 8.01 AM #2

saffron hangs with folds of gold
the morning sun draws white lines on each fold
I fear my sunflowers will show their faces while I am gone
droplets of moister hangs onto the tip of the heavy leaves
transparent and delicate yet I can sense its weight

for a moment the air that surrounds me 
fills with a fragrance 
of a flower bidding good morning to the sun
my eyes, drawn to only one
amongst a wave of deep purple
only one looks back at me
fluttering in the still air

then it comes
sensing the opportunity
that moment when the world knows you are distracted
when it knows you feel at ease and secure
then it comes
like a hawk flying over his terrain
waiting for that moment
the moment when it is least suspected
when you have mindlessly left the door to your heart open
when you have let your guard down
it walks in and fucks with you
smiles, camouflage the dagger
I repeat myself
I repeat my self
I repeat myself
out of disappointment in myself
anger points only to me, 
for only I am to blame
weeks have passed where I have felt secure
feeling that I may be able to live
some kind of life
the universe knows when there is a soft spot
evil and good fly side by side
there is no real dissimilarity

what road must I walk next
must my entire life be the endless turning of pages
from a large book of lessons
perhaps, my moments of feeling secure
my naked feet on the warm earth
is the wrong path
perhaps I am not to get comfortable
I am not to be here
could that be the next lesson

I am so conditioned to please
so conditioned it that I feel I need to throw up
why is an open, extended hand perceived as weakness
perhaps it’s the old saying
survival of the fittest
there are no solutions
no crystal ball
just grin and bear it till the end

my saffron hangs on the line
all tangled unable to move back or forth
the symbolism is uncanny

Why Can’t i Make ONE Decision

Photo on 2016-07-17 at 9.17 AM #2

 

When I was looking after B, I made decisions ever day every hour.
Or What?
I am not able to see into next week let alone the rest of my life.
My property should have been listed and yet here I am
I am doing something all the time and yet
I hardly see progress
Something that I used to do instantly has now become this slow ,,,,,,thought,,,,process,,,
I’m in bed by seven pm and by four pm then by ten round about i am asleep
Dreaming has become a collection of strange events.
I dreamt that I was driving this huge White pickup truck,, then either the sides of the road grew to three feet or I drove into an ally that came to a V,,,, here I was stopped,,,,, could go no further,,,,,when I hear a sound that was very loud!! so loud I thought it was a bomb or a tire exploding,,,,I woke,,,,
I dreamt that urgent repairs had to be made on my house,,,,,i was in the living room but it looked like a first floor basement or it was the living room turned into the basement,,,, the walls were stone or stock type whitish,,,,,there were two strange men there,,,,, trying to give me an estimate I suppose,,,,, the furnace was there,,,, there were half walls,,,, the strange men were shaking their heads,,,, [my neck is tight,, has been for three days now,,} the men kept saying could be fixed but will cost,,, everything was will cost will cost will cost will cost will cost,,,an old friend that used to live in the area appeared in the room,,,he looked at one deteriorating wall and said if we move this over we could use the same drywall??????
These are my nights when I should be resting.
My neck feels like someone is grabbing me from the back and will not let go

Photo on 2016-07-17 at 9.48 AM

People try and help but they only put the fear of god in me
They project their fears on me with such intensity that I question my own mind
Do I do this to them?
Do I push my opinions?
Is this a way of getting back at me?
Do they really want to help or do they envied me my freedom?
Do I have freedom?
I hope I don’t continue like this
It will kill me if it does
That would not be such a bad thing.
Photo on 2016-07-17 at 9.48 AM #3