What is a home

 

walking on shadowed footprints
my soles weakened, thin, bruised
standing in front of yet another door
another passage for me to travel
what now?

months of sorting, trashing, packing
four solid days of burning
forty years [i guess] of files, receipts, birthday cards, letters
memories and momentoes

reading and reliving every recipt, every note
the flames dance entertaining me with their different colours
trying to distract to amuse me
flames acting like small court jesters
they seem to understand how difficult this is
for this is one of the hardest things I had not ever anticipated

I did this, I saved every single recipt
every single hand written note
I ask myself why
did I ever think this would be important to do
why did I date every single drawing he drew
this matters to no one

Have I given my life away
as I lived in his shadow
did the sun not reach my heart and soul
now, I stand completly alone
will the sun even see me
or will I be one of many seeds that never sprouts
a seed that remains underground
its only purpose to fertilize the earth
for others to grow

So many thoughts racing in my mind
words gridlock
blocking every exit
I will drive till I find one
then I will plant seeds of my dna

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Questions

 

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what is reality
is it a circle
does it have a razor’s edge
do we live in one dimension
are there doorways in constant loop
changing angles, colours, temperatures

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are we bits of memories
floating through space
unaware of our true physical selves
if in fact, we are

 

perhaps we are merely code
being created every second
an anomaly that exists like dust
floating about with every exhale
we are so impressed with ourselves
yet we did not create this planet or universe
we may very well be a mistake
what will one day rectify itself

this poses more questions
of which I am cautious in reflection
perhaps science is just a method
to understand the mechanics
leaving the wheel of life
to its mystery

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december 4 2018

happy anniversary?

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there are mirrors everywhere

reflecting  images of you

lingering memories

time suspended above our heads

following us like a cloud or bubble

why do they linger

unfinished conversations

misunderstood moments

do they just linger

wanting,,, more of what was

time taken too quickly

I may have begun a transformation

my hands may have changed

nails, long and curved like a birds claws

the keen awareness of a crows eye

may now be my eyes

my hooked nose transformed into a beak 

flying in the night when the moon is bright 

looking for drifting moments of time

gathering our words that float loosely in the sky

many believe that cutting the wires that hold us

will relieve the tension and we will be freed 

freed to what conclusion I ask

free to look aimlessly into the sky

wondering what or why

we are told to love purely

we are told to honour our grief when the time comes

then we are told to leave it behind

to start a new

this might be the part

too difficult for me to do

my heart grows tired

covered with morning dew

let me sleep by the waves

so I may hear the music

of departed hearts 

bring me back to the waters 

so I may float in peace

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A Complex Creature

Photo on 2018-05-10 at 7.23 AM #2

I wake and for some moments
possibilities of the day
speed through my mind
unravelling my body from pillows and duvet
proves to be more than an easy task
how did everything get so twisted about
I can see impressions embedded in the pillows

If we could only scan each impression
retrieving thoughts or dreams left behind
would that be good or not

With some bits of fancy legwork
I managed to free my body from the octopus bed
a small jump and I raise my arms
as if I had just completed a gymnastic routine
I can hear the crowds cheering me on
for a quick moment, I bask in my achievement and victory

Spinning back into reality
I follow the path of most mornings
I unscrew the espresso pot
pour water in one part
two scoops of coffee with a dash of freshly ground pepper
into part two
tighten part three
then turn the burner on

I walk back towards the bed
hand picks up the iPhone
I raise the phone and take a picture of the bed
same angle every morning
a project in process

The artist is a complex creature
eyes are like a camera
framing  and taking stills of nearly everything I see
being so aware can be exhausting

what if the artist is just a complex fleshy computer
our eyes connected to the clouds
allowing others to access everything we see and feel
being directed by more than one
could this be why?
when I look at my door
I see it in three  black and white stills
then I can visualize them framed and on a wall

skipping over to a short poem

then again a short film with feet walking
on a wooden floor towards that same door
watching it open
a shadow walks through it
The End  

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Is it just me
or, are there others
punching keys
giving me directions

Am I an artist
or just a
complex fleshy computer

Sitting here looking out the window and open door
hearing the birds trying to speak
above the sounds of commuter cars
my left ear has caught the sound of the refrigerator
it seems to sing like a voice in a tunnel
than abruptly is stops

The light in the room changes
as the clouds cover the morning sun
I take a breath of relief
for it’s the grey clouds that I seek
they calm my soul
like a memory embedded in my DNA
travelling clouds and crashing waves soothes me
listening to the rain
feels like home

🙂

All of this with only one cup of coffee and only 9am.

Curveball

Photo on 2018-05-02 at 10.49 AM

When life throws you a curveball

you can tilt our head

be aware of how time slows down

watch and observe

the wind

notice the colours 

………..take your time

breath………… watch it come

don’t panic

stand your ground

spread your feet

balance

slightly bend the knees

line the shoulders

look at it

show no fear

when life throws you a curveball

you must stand your ground

or you will shatter

like a glass on tiles

or a windshield upon impact

you must focus and plan your move

reacting will only deflect 

you must now 

anticipate

when life throws you

a curveball

may 2 2018

MAY 2 :18 copy

 

 

 

 

 

 

WORDS

Words

words can open your heart
words, expose darkness within
words, blanket us with comfort
words, of commitment
words, of separation
words, of frozen fear

a single word
can encompass an entire decade
a single word
can change a person’s life
one word can give you reason to live
or permission to die
words are the greatest gift we have been given
words are worth more than gold
words can describe how gold looks and feels
how it can captivate your soul
how it represents eternal love
how it has the power to destroy
some words should come with a warning label
other words should never be spoken

imagine buying your food with a poem
going to the theatre to read words on the big screen
we could give words as birthday gifts
baptisms or weddings or funerals

take any word
now add some before and after
you now have a collection
with the right words
we might be able to stop fighting
with words of understanding and openness
we might enjoy each other a bit more

open yourself
expose your feelings
then let the words flow out of you
with song or rhyme
or just on the rocks
or a twist of lemon
or an olive
words are a beautiful thing
to be enjoyed
my word today is share
what is yours?

december 6 2017

 

 

 

Trapped In The Hole Of A Doughnut

 

chair higher than it ought be
long, sand coloured counter pressed against the wall of glass
exposed bites, on the half, eaten old fashion doughnut
sitting next to the ceramic coffee cup

why am I here?
at this crowded doughnut shop in the city
cars zipping past on drive-thru exits
summers furniture sits on the outside patio
bolted to the pavers
snow caused by the cold
words of love once written
on wet snow
now frozen for who knows how long
christmas music calling angels
plays on the speaker
it’s not even december

how many are here
either before or after
visiting a loved one
in that home
yes that home
across the parking lot
across the double lane road
that three story red brick complex
called a ‘home’
funny and odd name for something its not
It would make more sense
to house our loved ones
next to the airports or train stations
giving them the illusion of travel
airports for the old and used
long halls lined with beds with curtains of privacy
side table with lamp and toiletries
once chair placed at an angle
marker boards with names scribbled
days attendants, nurse and doctor on call

when the bell rings all are woken
and one by one they walk or are pushed in wheelchairs
then lined up once more
with a great view of the wall of glass
here they can see hope and dream
watching the planes take off and the workers buzzing about like ants

or they could also be at a train station
listening to the whistle blow and the tracks vibrating the floors
they could imagine themselves sitting in one of those seats
let’s not forget the harbours and cruise ships
with the seagulls flying past the windows
and the smell of sea salt in the air
fish and chips would be on the menu there

why am I sitting here
looking across the way
at the three-story building
that was in part my home for three years
there are days when I miss the smiles
the conversations that inspired me to dream up a life
when speaking to a dementia resident
I became part of their lives and their past
why would I not
the days of walking through the doors of key codes
of seeing his face light up and hearing him call
I would give my life to have that back if only for one day
to be in his arms and feel him patting my head
she is so sad, is what he wrote when he still could
line drawing of my face on a canvas of golden sun

I am sitting here because I miss him

Strange Faces
Painting by Sculptor Bruce Garner 2009

The place took hold of me and I felt compelled to write.
No editing, or thought just pure stream of consciousness.