What is a home

 

walking on shadowed footprints
my soles weakened, thin, bruised
standing in front of yet another door
another passage for me to travel
what now?

months of sorting, trashing, packing
four solid days of burning
forty years [i guess] of files, receipts, birthday cards, letters
memories and momentoes

reading and reliving every recipt, every note
the flames dance entertaining me with their different colours
trying to distract to amuse me
flames acting like small court jesters
they seem to understand how difficult this is
for this is one of the hardest things I had not ever anticipated

I did this, I saved every single recipt
every single hand written note
I ask myself why
did I ever think this would be important to do
why did I date every single drawing he drew
this matters to no one

Have I given my life away
as I lived in his shadow
did the sun not reach my heart and soul
now, I stand completly alone
will the sun even see me
or will I be one of many seeds that never sprouts
a seed that remains underground
its only purpose to fertilize the earth
for others to grow

So many thoughts racing in my mind
words gridlock
blocking every exit
I will drive till I find one
then I will plant seeds of my dna

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