Widowed Without A Manual

Some of us grieve longer then others. I will not be rushed out of my love, that still inhabits my heart.

Why Can’t i Make ONE Decision

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Photo on 2016-07-17 at 9.17 AM #2

 

When I was looking after B, I made decisions ever day every hour.
Or What?
I am not able to see into next week let alone the rest of my life.
My property should have been listed and yet here I am
I am doing something all the time and yet
I hardly see progress
Something that I used to do instantly has now become this slow ,,,,,,thought,,,,process,,,
I’m in bed by seven pm and by four pm then by ten round about i am asleep
Dreaming has become a collection of strange events.
I dreamt that I was driving this huge White pickup truck,, then either the sides of the road grew to three feet or I drove into an ally that came to a V,,,, here I was stopped,,,,, could go no further,,,,,when I hear a sound that was very loud!! so loud I thought it was a bomb or a tire exploding,,,,I woke,,,,
I dreamt that urgent repairs had to be made on my house,,,,,i was in the living room but it looked like a first floor basement or it was the living room turned into the basement,,,, the walls were stone or stock type whitish,,,,,there were two strange men there,,,,, trying to give me an estimate I suppose,,,,, the furnace was there,,,, there were half walls,,,, the strange men were shaking their heads,,,, [my neck is tight,, has been for three days now,,} the men kept saying could be fixed but will cost,,, everything was will cost will cost will cost will cost will cost,,,an old friend that used to live in the area appeared in the room,,,he looked at one deteriorating wall and said if we move this over we could use the same drywall??????
These are my nights when I should be resting.
My neck feels like someone is grabbing me from the back and will not let go

Photo on 2016-07-17 at 9.48 AM

People try and help but they only put the fear of god in me
They project their fears on me with such intensity that I question my own mind
Do I do this to them?
Do I push my opinions?
Is this a way of getting back at me?
Do they really want to help or do they envied me my freedom?
Do I have freedom?
I hope I don’t continue like this
It will kill me if it does
That would not be such a bad thing.
Photo on 2016-07-17 at 9.48 AM #3

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Author: ilovecloudstoo

I live in Canada thought I was not born here. Newfoundland is where my heart breathes. Primarily I am a visual artist, welded and or cast bronze sculptures. Sylvia Plath may have been the seed planted in me that is creating poetry. Since then I have read so many great modern poets work. Art is my sustaining business poetry sustains my soul.

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