Widowed Without A Manual

Some of us grieve longer then others. I will not be rushed out of my love, that still inhabits my heart.

I Ran To My Friends

1 Comment

 

Photo on 2016-05-11 at 9.35 AM #2

As I sit here on the back porch looking out onto vast open fields ready for planting. I have just had my morning chat with the chickens and oh my goodness I am now watching a little bird building a nest from one of the chickens feathers!!! How wonderful is that?
So let me bring you up to date on how I got here. Yesterday morning I received an email from one friend telling me that our other friend would more then likely not make the weekend.

“Swallow that big lump that is now lodged in your throat” My inclination is to speed through this for my audience [if I can call you that, although I don’t feel you are] my unknown acquaintances how about that. I have always felt that I had to rush through my thoughts so as not to bore people around me , but these are details of my friends lives, my dear friends existence how can you rush through that. What do you  omit? This winded description for one :/

Photo on 2016-05-11 at 9.42 AM 2

Days to leave and say goodbye. How do you even do that?  I changed my plans and got out of town as they say. Driving directly to her home. My inclination is to stop and shop at second hand stores I don’t know why I do that but I have an idea and a shrink could probably set me right. I remembered that  when my sister died B and I drove seven hours at speeds that I normally do not approach  but we got there and she was still breathing.

The  bed was placed in her dining room over looking her garden. The windows large and to the floor. It was like an offering. My sisters body on the alter being offered to what ever. I sat with her, held her hand and the memories went rushing through my brain like a speed ball. I was relieved that she had not died before I got to see her and tell her I loved her. It is unbelievably important to tell your loved ones you love them! Then I did something stupid. Thinking that I had days with my sister I agreed to go to a second hand store just down the road and look at things,  B was looking for a pair of open sandles for he forgot to bring his for it was raining when we left home. We puttered around then went back and She Was Gone…….

Just like that I drove at dangerous speed to get there then I went shopping and missed her departure. I can’t forget that. I think it was this thought that kept running through my mine as I drove to my friends house.

I stopped and bought apple pie and cheese for protein :/ and a bottle of wine. It was not so much a celebration as hitting your emotions with sugar charbs alcohol and protein. I have experienced so many deaths from that first one that apple pie has come to be my comfort food. If you saw me you would think :Girl enough with the pies!” heheh

Photo on 2016-05-11 at 9.48 AM #2

As it was my friend is still with us today whew. I took her dog for a walk but did not walk too far for its a small town and I ran into another friend who was sitting and writing in her back yard. We stopped for tea and a creative chat.

I wish you could hear the chicken in the background and I wish you could see the green grass opening up to  ghostly rows  in the open field . The sun feels glorious and healing on my skin. I don’t want to move from this spot I want to stay here through rain and snow and blowing winds I want to remain here on this spot to feel all the seasons sun touching my face.

Photo on 2016-05-11 at 9.50 AM

Yesterday  did not end up about comforting my dying friend, instead it was her mother that I ended up comforting. They have a mother daughter relationship what can I say. It has its ups and downs as all of us do but that does not mean in any way that there is not an incredible love in there that they have for each other its just a bit different and hard.

I’m not about judging anyones love I just want to try and make an avenue available for departing with calm. Death comes to all of us and we really should spend a bit more time thinking about it then most of us do. Our final moments in this galaxy should have some care unless of course you die from an accident and have no time.

I don’t want to wear you down with too much chatting for I want you to follow my blog with a little bit of excitement or anticipation of what the heck will she say now hehe. Now I hope I can manage to insert some photos I took of the chickens this morning. I had to get a new laptop and it has different features designed not to make like better but to test our nerves.

I love you all for you show good taste in reading my blog heheheheh

Big hugs. Please comment.

 

 

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Author: ilovecloudstoo

I live in Canada though​ I was not born here. Newfoundland is where my heart breathes. Primarily I am a visual artist, welded and or cast bronze sculptures. Sylvia Plath may have been the seed planted in me that is creating poetry. Since then I have read so many great modern poets work. Art is my sustaining business poetry sustains my soul.

One thought on “I Ran To My Friends

  1. I am sorry you are going through so much loss. Seems to happen in waves unfortunately.

    Like

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