Widowed Without A Manual

Some of us grieve longer then others. I will not be rushed out of my love, that still inhabits my heart.

The Quilt

Leave a comment

Two lives intertwined
Years of words reviewed by the hearts
One falls ill
The other holds with a grip of love that will not be released
There is pure beauty present

A love so strong
How ever can that be wrong
Many will write a song

We must understand
The moment they woke each ones eyes are locked to the others soul
Another stitch is created on the quilt that created their life
Our world runs at a speed that does not encourage and rejoice in such love
To look into the eyes of our lover and feel completeness

It takes great courage to say the final words
They can not be rehearsed
They can not be scheduled
They just flow from our lips when it is right
They escape without our knowledge and can not be retrieved
For within that split second the soul is freed
We are then alone so very alone
All the air leaves home

The quilt remains——- —– —– —– —– —- —– —–

My post today was inspired by a stepdaughters mother and father in law. My attempt to write a poem of their love turned into my love. Makes sense for how would I have knowledge of theirs.

I have been in our home now for two months. There are hints of progress but mostly I have been hiding. I have become unreliable. When you can’t bear to hear more kind advice you just retreat into yourself. There is part of us that does not want to disappoint ¬†others again and again. We understand their concerns truly we do. We just have no mental energy. The feeling of running away is a constant. If no one knows you then you can’t disappoint.
I don’t think that mourners like where they find themselves. It is something that has to be allowed to run through us so it will leave us washed and renewed. That is the hope anyway.

Walking around our yard I can feel the conversations we have had walking on the same grass. There are chairs in twos placed for different view of the reflecting pools and trees but I just look at them and remember. The other day as I was walking about I realized that not only was the property too large for me to care for but that it was too large for me to enjoy. Does that even make sense?

Perhaps I feel this way because I was gone for five years and have only recently returned. If you never leave your family home do you feel as I do? Or do you just continue on as before. I think you probably do. I have been living in others homes for five years. Now I’m here and i feel the same.

In two months it will be three years that I have been a member of the widow’s club. My hope and dream is that by the time I am a member for five years that I will be in my own personal home. Creating new memories of my own.
We are so alone
We fall back our body deflated lies on the floor
We can not breath no more

Our Quilt remains ————————

tamaya garner august 9 2015

This gallery contains 0 photos