Widowed Without A Manual

Some of us grieve longer then others. I will not be rushed out of my love, that still inhabits my heart.

May Two Was Nineteen Months

Leave a comment

Yesterday was nineteen months of my widowhood. Truly I have to say that while most days end up the same, the things that go on inside really varies. Different levels of understanding. Different  avenues where I often feel like go to cross an ally way but can’t, I extend my neck so my head is exposed to anything that may happen. Anything can propel down that lane and knock it right off its body,   with the head bouncing and rolling around, eyes flash on and off like an old projector movie.

I wrap myself with the deep dark blanket of what ever this is. I know that the blanket gets thicker and warmer. 

While I sleep I now roll all over the bed. horizontal, vertical all angels. I think my subconscious self spends her nights looking for that heat that solid mass that it would roll over to till skin touched and an arm moved and held me tight and secure. I roll around but there is nothing there. The smell of his skin so lovely. He never insulted his body with chemical fragrances, his sweet essence radiated.

Every day it feels another scent brings back a large wave of memories.

At nineteen months I am feeling more and more that these pages will be my only escape. These pages may eventually become private for even the public will tire of my processing. 

This week I happened across a line portrait he did of me on a restaurant napkin and nineteen months became important again.

Image

 

 

Advertisements

Author: ilovecloudstoo

I live in Canada thought I was not born here. Newfoundland is where my heart breathes. Primarily I am a visual artist, welded and or cast bronze sculptures. Sylvia Plath may have been the seed planted in me that is creating poetry. Since then I have read so many great modern poets work. Art is my sustaining business poetry sustains my soul.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s