What if I was not Here

I’ve started a new painting. It’s pretty much a portrait of B and I. I have posted part of it on facebook and only received one response. I am obviously annoying my friends with this constant obsession with my dead husband. I was to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!! I MISS HIM.

In our world we must all go quickly. quickly get well then quickly do something else. We don’t seem to spend any time on matters of the soul. Or do we? Am I just missing it? Am I on the wrong train? My reaction today was to delete everything from april and not say anything on facebook for one month. They’ll miss my nattering! They’ll miss my photo sessions.

OR WILL THEY?

This could easily back fire on me. I could find out that no one really gives a hairy ass crap what I am saying or doing.

What will I do then? Will I come back blazing? Or will I come back with my ego tail curled under my private parts?

The truth is that I seem to need an audience. When I don’t get a response I pout. Just like a two year old.

It might be very good for me to not always go on fb to see who is saying what. I wonder if anyone else has ever gone cold fb turkey for a month? Can I do it?

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