Instead of creating a new blog i decided to go with a new title. Thus the “Delete My HEart So I May Breathe”.
I feel like I am no longer a widow without a manuel but more a widow who is writing a manuel.
I look where I am going through the paintings or sculptures I produce. My most recent painting is where I am, uneasy, frozen in time, confused. Must we all have the desire to be strong and on our own? I think I work better in two. Not to say I want to be with anyone. There in lies the problem. I don’t have another love in me. I do not want to feel again the way I did with B. I in it 200%. Jumped in feet first, total trust in what I felt for him. Our love never failed me, though he may have been happier with two of me. I know he would not agree.
Lately I have been feeling physically ill nearly every day. I am exhausted when I wake. The days just speed on by and often I have not left my chair. Painting is where I feel comfort. Letting the artist free to express and relieve the pressure that fills me.
People say to me “you need to…..Just go for a walk…… Get on with it…..What you need is…..Don’t be so sad…..You need to stop thinking so much…..
I agree with everyone! Truly, if I could find that special thing that says ya lets walk! The thing is for whatever reason I have misplaced that thing. I wish I knew what it looked like. Is it round? bigger then a breadbox? is it heavy? light? transparent? solid?
What is that thing that so many people have?