Today I thought for some reason that I would have the emotional energy to start packing.
I started with what is near to me, MY BOOKS. I thought I would finally catalogue them and put them in rubber containers to protect them. Instead they are all around me and I am dreaming of the times we have had. All those wonderful first dates. Walking through second hand book stores letting my hand with fingers open, run over each rib. Little electric charges waking my finger tips.
I totally LOVE my Books! They represent bits of sweat and blood from great people who are free of the mind to put things in line form and expose themselves. When I look at them I see friends, confidants. I see exposed hearts. Books represent courage. They are moments of craziness put in word form to ease the pressure in our minds. Writers and Artists are on the front line of life. Exploring it Exposing it.
For two days I have taken my max dose of anti depressant, so I am feeling what used to be normal. Well at least now I am. I have learned that moods of calm and grown up feeling are just moments. I don’t hang around waiting for them but they are nice when they hit. If I felt normal all the time I could do so much! I would make the lists and follow them. I would organize things, I would have dinner parties, I would start a garden, I would read an entire book.
IF I FELT NORMAL
But hopefully that will be one day………..
Today I am caressing my books, I am mending an afghan, I am watching a movie, I am writing on my blog.