There are so many days that I wonder how much longer this will last. I have been having a difficult time doing anything except paint canvas not walls! and sit and watch movies over and over.

My sisters have really tried to give me time to get over what they think they know of as grieving. Not one has had to experience the loss of a husband. Two have lost children and I can’t even imagine how hard that was and probably still is.

Today one sister needed to vent about another and somewhere in there I was able to intercept with my view. Mostly because all their problems stem from me taking so long to get over grieving. 

I know that non of this will make any sence. I have not got the energy to put it all down. Suffice to say she repeated back to me

” i don’t know how you feel” 

I can only try and tell you how I FELT when she said this.


you see I have three sisters waiting for their inheritance that I am living in, mama’s house.  If and if I was of solid and balanced mind I would be out of here! You can believe it. But the truth is that I am mentally ill. I am grieving the death of my soulmate and husband. I am finding that so very hard to get past to get over to concur.

Grieving is not the same for everyone. My friend is doing so much better them me. A widower a month less then I he is doing much better then Me. Mind you I was with B for 32 years every day 24/7 [minus three weeks] He was with his mate I think 7 years, maybe more. That does not mean he felt less love then I I just mean more years.

In a  world that cares:

 I would live by the ocean in a gingerbread house with a studio. I would have enough money to live simply but always be able to buy art supplies. That is all I want in life/

One thought on “

  1. Grieving is personal. That’s it, that’s all.

    Some get through it quickly and with relative ease. Others don’t.

    There is no time or way to measure what is acceptable. I heard a respected doctor say that grief can take a year or more. But today, if someone grieves for too long, we just give them pills to help them get over it because it just gets in the way and makes everyone else feel weird.

    To hell with everyone else.

    I don’t think you’re expecting anyone to UNDERSTAND how you feel, but at least they can listen. And empathize.

    That’s what I tell everyone – I don’t want you to understand me or try to. Just be there for me. Listen. Support me. And offer me some empathy and compassion. Give me time, for god sakes.

    If it takes you more than a year, which it will, then it does. So what you can’t “get over it” as quickly as others? That’s OKAY. It doesn’t make you less than and it doesn’t make you crazy or weird or anything. It makes you human.

    I wish more people could grasp that.


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