How do we shake off years of christmas eves?

How do we get past all those years of christmas eves? The years when we believed in santa clause and this was the night that santa would land on the roof and somehow creep his way down the chimney [even if you did not have a fireplace] to leave presents!

This was all a new country thing. We did not have this in the old country. Now we want to believe truthfully that in this country there is a person that gives gifts. So here I am 59 and so many years have passed  53 to be exact. I am sitting here with a bottle of wine and my t.v. , flipping going on  and this computrer. this computer is my arm that reaches out. Its the thing that I try now to believe in. I so need someone that just gets what I say and think. So does every other person in this world!  

When I left our home to move to the city and look after my loved one I really left behind a lot. I just don’t know if I can go back there, or if I should go back there. Most of the people I know never leave the family home, so they continue on being there. It’s terrible that I   could not afford to  live there on my own.

so here I am wishing and waiting for the clouds to break open and a new life to emerge.

christmas eve…………… I just don’t like this time of the year at all. Nothing good happens this time of year.

I would be fine with just dying right here right now.

Life is just not that easy…………………………


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