I have to say that so often I feel that I have worn out many of the people I know. Do you? How do we hold on to our sanity? How do we plunge our arm down in the burlap bag and pull our hope? I have days when things seem fine. Then I start to slip and its that strange kind that does not allow you to regain your balance. No grabbing the the walls no penetrating your fingers in passing things no there is nothing that can stop that downward spin. You give up. You raise your arms and say Frack it! I can’t do this any longer!
How did my mother cope? was it the kids that helped her hold on or did she feel all of what I’m feeling right now?
How are some able to marry after a year? How can you even let anyone else in your heart. Are you not afraid it will happen again? I mean really?
Perhaps I am just not cut out. Perhaps my life has been. I do not fear death. I would welcome it . I am just so very tired.